Operations-Training-Solutions

The focus of O-T-S is the development and delivery of training programs for electric power system operations personnel.

Southwest 2011 Outage

The Dynamics of Disturbances class has been updated to include a detailed description of the 9/8/2011 Southwest outage.

 

Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

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Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in. "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my opthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

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Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons ~ civil engineers build targets.

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Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Understanding Engineers #6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer ~ just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

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Understanding Engineers #7

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

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Understanding Engineers #8

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $105,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The HR person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years ~ say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"

And the HR person said, "Certainly...but you started it."

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Understanding Engineers #9

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer are traveling in an old Fiat 500 (Bambino) when all of the sudden the car backfires and comes to a halt.

The mechanical engineer says, "Ah! It's probably a problem with the valves, or the piston!"

The electrical engineer says, "Nonsense! It's most probably a problem with the spark plugs or battery!"

The software engineer says, "How about we all get out of the car and get back in again."

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Understanding Engineers #10

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

The fourth said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and their asses are interchangeable."

The fifth surgeon says, "I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."

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Understanding Engineers #11

An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.

One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there. Send him up here."

Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

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Understanding Engineers #12

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were each given the following problem to solve.

A school dance floor included a straight line down the middle dividing the floor in two equal halves. Boys were lined up against one wall and girls against the opposite wall, each facing the center line. They were instructed to advance in stages towards the center line every ten seconds, where the distance from the person to the center line at each stage is equal to one-half the distance at the past stage.

i.e.: If the starting distance from the wall to center line was D, the progressive series of distances at t = 0, 10 seconds, 20 seconds...10n seconds to the center line is (D, D/2, D/4, D/8,...D/2n).

The question is, when will they meet at the middle?

The mathematician said that they would never meet.

The physicist said they would meet when time equals infinity.

The engineer said that in one minute they would be close enough for all practical purposes.